An introverted nerd finds himself dangerously deep inside the crazy world of mukbanging after he falls head over heels for a mysterious woman.
…is the description of this movie that I promise you isn’t a porn.
Mukbanging? Am I supposed to know what this is? I don’t have a teenager at home, no one to ask about Tik Tok bullshit or Japanese cartoons (all children and Japanese adults love that stuff) but I DO have Google. Google tells me it’s a thing people like to watch, where someone is eating while filming themselves and putting it on the Internet.
Yep, that’s a thing. I don’t get it, because I’m over 30, and I suppose I’ll learn to live with the shame of not getting it.
So a fratty-looking guy on a Paleo diet (ie “The Nerd”) meets this perky redhead smokeshow in a bodega one night (that’s right, now I’m making YOU Google something!), and she is “The Mysterious Woman.” Already, the casting is wrong. The Nerd is supposed to be a Waldo, a Eugene, a Myron. This guy is a Chad. The Mysterious Woman is customarily a woman with straight black hair from a generic Eastern European country, the lady cast for this flick is a college nursing student who makes extra scratch on Onlyfans. There’s still time to redeem this minor slight.
TMW hits TN with her car, knocks him unconscious, then drags him back to her apartment decorated with pink stuff. Hot! No sexy mukbanging happens… I’m only assuming mukbang is a sex thing. It’s a thing teenagers and Japanese adults watch on their phones, someone doing weird stuff and people pay for it. Sounds like weirdo-porn to me! No, no mukbangery, the characters eat something while sitting on her bed but they don’t moan or writhe or put it on each other’s faces in slow-mo. He tells her what he does for work (stay-at-home customer service, guess he IS a nerd) and she tells him what she does (internet porn with spaghetti and meatballs) and so naturally she kisses him and gives him her number.
I can only guess this is what the typical incel thinks “dating” is… a lower income slob of a guy puts minimal effort in and the perky sexy anime character in cut-offs is so overcome with desire that she showers him with physical affection and promises of future affection.
He goes right home, masturbates while watching the girl eat a plate of pasta, then falls asleep and dreams of female domination and self-harm via amputation. Kinda weird, kinda hot.
The next day, he goes to visit his brother the bro, who listens while talking about money and doing blow. “You need to fuck my secretary, that’s what you need (snaaaaaarf). I’ll set that up for you, bruh!” He goes on a date, and then bails while she’s off having a P because his mukbanger texts him to come over. Then they fuck in a blanket fort and swap stories of their rotten pasts.
A blanket fort. THAT’S what my house is missing! No joke, imagine it for a sec. You get home from work, put on a podcast, turn off all the lights except for the Christmas lights strung up in your blanket fort, then you climb inside and spend the evening drinking whiskey in a blanket fort. THAT’S what I call living.
The next night he takes her out to dinner, and she goes ahead and drops every red flag she owns! Yikes! Dude, run. Move out of state, throw away your phone and change your name! This girl is a LOT. Still, though, pretty sexy… maybe we’ll just ignore those red flags and refuse to exercise our better judgement, just for a little while. That’s where I usually run into trouble, and this IS a horror movie after all.
It’s a sexy cannibalistic Dexter knock-off wrapped around some mild social commentary with bonus spaghetti sex! Nothing artsy about it, a solid 5 out of 10. Mido slept through it, I ate a calzone. No people-meat, just the normal kind.