Sleep paralysis is an affliction that’s been making the metaphorical rounds the past few years. It’s that thing that nobody really talked much about for much of human history and that people are talking about all the time now. Movies and documentaries and podcasts (zohmuguh, so many podcasts) talking about sleep paralysis and about the mysterious shadow monsters that people see wandering around their rooms late at night. Well those shadow monsters are actually inter-dimensional demons from hell sent to torment us, and thus one’s name is Mara.
Mara killed daddy, and mama is now bonkers, and Sophie heard it happen. Sophie told the nice police lady who chased her under the bed and demanded art for house decoration, and now Mara is visiting the nice art collector police lady who wears makeup to bed. Mara marks people that she intends on killing with a little red dot on their eye because why not? She then tells an intense and very sweaty drug dealer the secret to what’s going on because he seems to know all the rules to inter-dimensional Freddie Krugerlicious sleep demon attacks because of course he does.
Mara comes to people in their sleep during a state of sleep paralysis and fucks with ’em for a few days, because she’s a wicked bitch like that. “I plan to kill you in your sleep, no reason, I’m just a bored shadow monster, but first I’m just gonna terrorize you for a little while because I’m an asshole.” Then she gets on your chest and twists you up real good and makes sure that you freak out the first responders who happen upon your twisted-up self. “Oh ew. He all twisted! I’m gonna go arrest a demon sleep monster now!”
Oh but that’s not going to happen, because Mara has been messing with sleeping people since the dawn of time. Really? It’s 2018, you think someone would have mentioned this at some point within the last 190,000 years? First time hearing about Mara, I think she’s new. She’s nouveau chriche… you know, like nouveau riche, but she’s a creature… seriously it’s less funny if I have to explain it to you…
(Mido from the other room “Who told you it was ever funny?”)
(Kev from this room “Who told you I’d not be spitting in your kibble later?”)
Police lady is going to get to the bottom of this and solve the case of the killer sleep demon before it kills her. She goes out to Dougie’s shack and he tells her the rules. Dougie, that’s the drug dealer, and I’m not kidding they named him “Dougie.” Of all the names to give to this guy (shakes head) anyway he shouts and sweats and she goes away scared and more than a little sweated-upon. Now the two of them are friends and they’re going to work together to solve this ancient mystery before it eats up Sophie. It’s a little Nightmare on Elm St and a little The Ring and on a scale of “Crap” to “Great” this movie is “Okay.”
Mido slept through it. Mara didn’t kill her. I call bullshit.
