KTILF… it’s like a MILF but with a Kindergarten teacher. A KTILF and her KTOYFRIEND (not a real thing) go off to enjoy a romantic weekend in an abandoned British quarry. Oh dear hold me back you romantic devil you. They get there and oh no the abandoned quarry is now a construction site for future shitty generic overpriced luxury condos… so I guess we’ll be going back to suffer the indignities of clean hotels and art museums and Michelin-starred restaur… oh so we’re staying, huh? Neat. What could possibly go wrong OUT HERE IN THE FUCKING FOREST?
So okay fine, this abandoned quarry is actually just a lake and a beach that no one else is on. Less shitty, but they’re still out in the forest so they’re fucked!
Even worse, there ARE people here – shitty teenagers. Now they COULD just gather up their beachy things and go find another spot on this huge and largely-uninhabited beach but no, KTOYFRIEND wants to make his stand and not be bullied-off by a pack of teenagers. That will certainly show everyone who is the boss. Right? My dude, who cares!? No one! You’re never going to see these kids again ever, why bother going through the inconvenience of trying to show-up the species of wild animals we know as “teenagers in groups?” Just go! Enjoy your ‘oliday, mate!
Nope. KTOYFRIEND has a point to make when what he SHOULD be doing is F’ing his KT. Whatever, they’re teenagers, that’s basically just a marginally-advanced toddler. They’ll forget all about you in a minute or two and go back to their exciting lives of smartphones and vaping and inventing new dumb words to say in conversation on their tweety-toks and their facey-spaces.
Back into the hicktown they airbnb’d to a slow death, KTOYFRIEND just can’t stop stirring up shit with these teenagers. He’s tattling on them to the parents, he’s home-invading wherever a pile of BMX bikes is parked, suffice it to say whenever some dude like this says “But it’s about the principle of the thing!” consider that your red flag and go find someone else to be your KTUSBAND.
That said I suppose I can forgive his random acts of KTouchebaggery ’cause this is still a pack of feral teenagers. Since they’re the bad guys does that mean that the grown-ups are going to kill them all to win the plot? Hmm, how do I feel about that, killing children to… well let’s be fair they ARE right and proper dick’eads, so it’s not like wishing for their violent and likely-lethal comeuppance is 100% wicked and immoral to wish for. Maybe just 70% wicked and immoral. I think I can live with that.
Don’t look at me like that! These kids suck! Children of the Corn suck! Lord of the Flies suck! They suck and they gosta PAY!
So nobody walks away from this ordeal with clean hands, everyone sucks, and we could just go ahead and never go to hicktowns and leave all that alone. No hicktowns, no forests, and never trust teenagers in groups.