Going into this blind, which can go so wrong in horror, because there is so much bad horror out there. This is a found-footage style too, which is even more risky because anybody can make one of these. You just need a couple of friends and a cell phone to make one of these.
The stars and starlets of THIS particular piece of cinematic low-bugetude is a Chevy minivan full of crappy human beings. They record footage focused on how shitty they can be to neighbors and strangers, and that’s why I never want to live in small-town middle-America.
The plot begins when these convincingly-shitty kids leave their stinkhole small town to explore an even crappier small town. Fun! This smaller town is strange, but on the surface doesn’t seem like it’s living up to its “cursed town” reputation. People there like Jesus and wear hats. They’re weird, but not “Children of the Corn” weird. I’m about 45 minutes in and while not a damned thing has happened yet I’m still kind of intrigued and want to keep watching. The shitheads are intrigued as well, because they can’t stop going to this place every day. A true testament to how boring their OWN small town must be!
Probably because I know these shitty humans will become The Victims by the end of the movie and I’m looking forward to it. You know it’s coming, because every so often the camera will have a time and date stamp. Yay June 7th! These douchebags will get theirs in two more days! Yay June 8th! Not long now!!
…because the movie is called June 9, of course. Things get real on June 9! I’m guessing it will end with “wears his winter hat all day every day” guy because he’s the prime instigator, so that’s the murder main course. We all hate him. Well, most of us. Except for you, Carl. Carl idolizes this crumb because Carl is mean and gravitates to other mean people. Fuck you Carl. No one likes you. We just tolerate you because you always… come to think of it, why DO we tolerate Carl? When is the last time Carl’s done… never mind, sorry, I’ll come back to this another time.
I went into it not expecting much, but by the halfway mark tension is definitely building. This minivan von schadenfreude has made enemies of half a town’s worth of murder-Amish, but they keep going back! Jesus, whatever is coming for you, you’ve got it coming! How stupid are you, anyway?
A surprisingly good movie. Be sure not to turn it off after the credits start, because you know there’s going to be one of those “Don’t Leave Yet Ha Ha We Tricked You!” gimmicks after the first few credits.