Horror comedy starring Gary Busey and a cookie that looks like Gary Busey? I am IN! It’s a 70-minute movie, so even if it stinks the pain will be short-lived. How could this thing suck, though? There’s a Gary Busey cookie!
(slaps table for emphasis)
A GODDAMNED GARY BUSEY COOKIE!!
It’s a shame that they couldn’t somehow cram some Corey Feldman into this thing. Cookie Feldman! Maybe it’s the sequel, I’ll hold my theories for now.
Gary Busey kills some people in a diner for no reason that matters, and he’s turned into haunted spices. A baker accidentally bleeds into these spices and lays a Hellraiserlicius voodoo on the spice, which is baked in an oven at 666 degrees (the optimum temperature for evil baked goods) and ba’BOOM! Gary Busey murder cookie!
Fuck yeah it is!
Basic gist = Gary Busey gets all shooty, magic voodoo cinnamon gets dropped off by a vengeful mom of the killer, as in “how dare you convict my boy after he smokes your family in a greasy spoon. I’ll fix YOU” kinda move (she sounds great). Survivors own a bakery (forgot to mention that part… I guess it would make more sense to know why getting a box of spices is a thing, and not just a random thing to leave at someone’s house), rich guy across the street is building a restaurant and wants the bakery to pack up and move, and offers them 50-grand to buy their business, oooooh! 50k, how the mind reels at all the possibilities! Rich guy’s bitch daughter goes over to start a catfight with the bakery (I guess there’s history probably), super-not-sexy catfight happens, some kind of electrical thing happens which zaps the gigantic people-cooking-sized oven and zing! Gary Busey cookie!
It’s a grainy movie shot like it’s supposed to be a had 80’s horror movie (but where everyone has smart phones), with a ridiculous premise and sub-par acting, and that’s what makes this a horror comedy. It’s not funny in a Dude Bro Party Massacre or Tucker and Dale kinda way, it’s funny in a “Hey let’s make a Gary Busey murder cookie movie, wouldn’t that be hilarious?” way.
I got right on board with it and I have no regrets. Sell me the gimmick, I’ll add it to the box I keep in the downstairs closet!
They transition right into cookie rampage, none of this “Did you see that? I swear I saw something I can’t describe” breadcrumbing for a half hour or so. This is hour-long movie trash, let’s get right to the cookie carnage. No serious gore, pretty sure they spent most of the budget on getting Gary Busey to come and cackle into a microphone and throw out the occasional one-liner when the mood strikes.
Tubi. Where else would I see this? They missed an opportunity. All the commercials for diapers and laundry detergent and internet car insurance, not one for Keebler, or Pillsbury. You couldn’t swing just one cookie commercial? Not even Dunkin Donuts? They’ll put their ads pretty much anywhere.
An hour may have been a little long to watch this movie without weed, I opted instead for milk and cookies. Mido had some catnip and laughed through the whole movie.
