Romania, home of such movie greats as… well I could go on all day, but this one is a mockumentary thing I got recommended my way because I like messed up movies. This particular messed up movie is the story of a “that weird guy in film school remember him?” character who should not do selfie close-ups before flossing and brushing and then maybe wearing a face mask. His film is a stalker’s video love letter to Anne Hathaway. “Eef you ekt een my moo-vee I meck you beeg great star and people all h’worsheep you because I’m dat goot die-rector.”
Neat.
Now he haff three ektrissiz who come to play role Enn Heddaway (yes I plan on talking like this the entire review, click here if you feel you’ve made a terrible mistake coming to this blog), but eensted him dee-cide to be beeg turd. I mean at 15 meenute mark I want to smack heem an say “What are you evin doowink? Thees stupid!” and then at half hour I theenk “OhhhhhKAY now we gettingk moo-vee heppin!” though steel too much talky-talky! Die-rector steel “dat weird guy of feelm school” and ees no less annoyingk (trust that my phony accent out-loud is no less irritating than whatever the hell it is I’m writing here) but hett least (…imagine being my partner having to listen to me fake-accent at the TV while this abomination is playing) something happeningk.
By one hour mark I tekk back all bed sings I say about moo’vie. Why wait so long to not suck I don’t unnerstend! Thennnnn, eet suck again! As breel’yint an gen’yiss as all dey smart review guys say? No no, too much monotonous talky-talky, not enough screamy-screamy spurtspurtspurt guts on floor! Whole moo-vie 90 meenoots of bleh wiss one goodt scene, bezzikly. But who kere, b’cause free onz the Tubi wizzout single commercial.
A side observation to anyone who has already seen this movie (a found film about a nutjob who mutilates strangers to entice Ann Hathaway to work with him on a similar film project, because that’s how directors normally cast award-winning starlets), imagine Anne Hathaway actually getting a copy of this freakshow in the mail one day, with zero forewarning? Like, maybe the director/producer/actor (same guy) gets drunk one night and just sends her a copy in the mail because he has a sadistic sense of humor? That would have been an ideal end to this movie, but that would have added another bunch of time to a movie that was 40 minutes too long already.
I honestly have no idea how all these film festivals and review site have so much praise for this piece. “It’s believable!” “So believable!” Yeah? Also believable is me going to a corner store and spending an undue amount of time figuring out what kind of pre-made sandwich I’m going to buy, you wanna watch 87 minutes of that?
Mido was initially interested, but once she realized there was little to no actual cat content she fell asleep and slept through the rest of the movie.
