A retelling of the original Gojira (Jesus how many have there been now?), a Japanese retelling… so no Matthew Broderick. I watched this one on a flight to L.A., leedle screen, headphones. Might have been better for The Big TV but then I also thought “maybe a simple, old-school monster movie would be better for a crowded flight than Terrifier 3.”
So the story focuses on an AWOL Kamikaze pilot who yells and cries a lot. All the men in Japanese entertainment tend to yell and cry a lot. Real over-dramatic teenage boy stuff. What’s up with that, anyway?
So at the beginning it’s a story about a Crymikaze pilot, the post he lands in gets demolished overnight by a regular-size giant lizard monster. Thirty, forty feet tall, tops. Then the fucking Americans come and drop nuclear bombs and stuff, and before you know it the giant monster mutates and becomes a gianter monster. One that gets angry and stomps all over cities for no reason in particular, and has neon light-up spines and breathes nuclear fission. Dang!
Crymikaze hooks up with a single lady and the two of them make their way through a war-torn Japan, and live together with an orphan they raise together, and have no sex whatsoever. I mean if he can’t even crash a plane right, he’s got issues with finishing stuff.
Doesn’t matter, Godzilla demolishes her before too long.
So all these sciencey guys get together and decide they’re going to tie freon gas canisters to the beast, and the bubbles will drive the monster underwater so fast it will die from ocean pressure, then they will inflate a bunch of emergency rafts on it, making it rise to the surface so fast that it gets the bends and dies again. Crymikaze, on the other hand, decides he’s going to take a super fighter plane and fill it with bombs, then he’s gonna fly down the monster’s throat and blow it up, Kamikaze style.
“And I’m gonna cry the whole time!”