The 2013 version is the same but different. It’s mostly different. Same cabin, similar chain of events, some of the lines from the original were imported for the fanboysandgirls to point and clap at, but otherwise it’s just a modern horror movie seen-one-you-seen-em-all post-2000 remake. An even number of boys and girls go into the woods to do things, girl strays off and gets aardvarked by a tree while some messy chick (who was just kinda out in the woods being oozy) twitches her crunchy neck and barfs at the other girl. Great, ooky-mouthed barf all over me, I’m fucked now. Girl goes back to the cabin, and gets all twitchy crunchy necked, barfs on the other girls and they all get twitchy crunchy necked.
Boys don’t get twitchy crunchy neck, only girls do. Maybe the filmmakers thought twitchy crunchy neck was sexy or something. (shrugs) I won’t kink shame but, you know, weird.
Everyone twitches and crunches and barfs all over the place (which is why I can’t drink tequila anymore) and the boys all just kinda yell at each other and punch stuff. Some scenes are pretty cool and creepy so it’s not all just twitchporn, just mostly twitchporn. Totally worth watching, just don’t expect anything spectacular. You knew that, though, a post-2000 remake isn’t going to amaze and astound anyone, unless you’re a middle school kid watching their first horror movie at some slumber party.
Do middle school kids still slumber party? Or do their millennial parents all join them now and have some sort of modern moms-are-friends communal party where everyone watches Harry Potter? I feel bad for middle school kids, don’t do this. Gross. just give them a copy of this movie. Tell ’em it’s a Pixar or something. What’s the worst that can happen? (looks around the room at all of you) Oh, right.