Check out THIS piece of shit! “Grotesque” is an independent Japanese horror film… ooh! Independent! It’s often code for “Lower Your Expectations!” There are three kinds of independent movies when it comes to hyping a movie (Trigger Warning: Severely unqualified information ahead…I have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m not a Hollywood insider or…
“The following film is based on actual events” is a pre-movie disclaimer that always sends me to the Googlesphere. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was as a middle schooler learning that there was in fact no chainsaw massacre in Texas. Since then I am always sure that horror-based-on-truth is horror-based-on-bullshit. …I’m just going…
It’s a three-pack! I love horror anthologies, ever since discovering Amicus anthologies as a pre-teen (yes, I’ve been messed-up for quite some time). This one is from three directors, one from Hong Kong, one from South Korea, and one from Takashi Miike. “Takashi Miike” was all I needed to hear. I’d love to be able…
Got Fandango@Home (The Artist Formerly Known as Vudu)? You can watch this sucker for free! A Scottish bloke is hired for 200 quid per day to babysit a right nutter on her private island. Pip pip cheery-o and all that rot what! Barmy! They chain the poor twonk to the house, put a lampshade on…
First off, the subgenre “Foreign Horror” is bullshit. There is no such thing. No horror is foreign and all horror is foreign. “Nothing Bad Can Happen” is a horror movie from Germany, so it fits under the “Foreign Horror” category, meanwhile, anyone from Germany reading this isn’t going to see this as foreign, not like…
Before The Terrifier became the new ChuckyJasonFreddieMichael it was a 20-minute short film, and before that he was the subject in some OTHER short from 2008 called “The Ninth Circle” and I guess Damien Loeone stitched both shorts together and used it as a slightly-less-short vignette for his full-length movie “All Hallows Eve.” If you’ve…
High Tension is one of those New French Extreme movies that everyone was talking about for a minute and then they weren’t. “Well of course not, Kev, because they’re not ‘new’ anymore!” Oh baby, nobody cares. Damien Hirst is still referred to as one of the Young British Artists, and he’s 60. First off, the…
White trash horror is such a fun subsubgenre, it’s a whole buffet of stereotypes but it’s okay, ’cause they’re white people who didn’t go to college! Norma Sue Twila Jean Marie is a 37-year-old high school student who commits the crime of being pretty in a tin-sided colony of inbred possum-eating hayseeds. She has a…
A late-80s horror flick, one that I don’t recall hearing about in the late 80s. There was mostly garbage for horror movies in 1989. A whole lot of “Part Threes” and “Part Fives” basic a.f. watered-down sequels, aside from “Shocker,” “Pet Sematary,” “Warlock,” and “Tetsuo: The Iron Man” not a damned thing stands out as…
Titane, it’s French for “Titanium,” which is the sort of plate the lead character (Alexia) has fused to her skull. Neat, right? We’re learning things today! Stick with us, in no time you’ll be able to order a titanium plate on your skull in Montreal, all by yourself! It’s a French movie, so you’ll need…